The 'Never Enough World'

It never seemed enough. Even if I had a well paying job, I would get paid and within a few days it had all gone: I was back borrowing or scrimping along till the next payday.

I never had enough between payments, it was always feast or famine and I just could not work it out. So, I must be being underpaid; I would get annoyed with my employer, starting to take work less seriously, or take things from the workplace in lieu of the money I thought I was due. I might as well take some time off work pretending to be sick, as I deserved it for working so cheaply.

Being underpaid is a huge delusion of people whom debt. They never have enough. Even as they climb higher and higher in salary scale, they describe themselves as underpaid or under-earning. The atmosphere in the work place is horrendous as staff seethe with fury over their perceived lack of appreciation.

I was one of them. I was on the treadmill of needing more money, so angry that I did my job badly and created such a miserable atmosphere. So when time for promotions came around, I was not in the running. But when it came to getting rid of staff, I was definitely in the running. So unfair, I thought. I found justifications for my attitudes and spent more time moaning in the bar after work.

If I didn't care for myself in the most fundamental ways, I added to the perception that my life was never enough. I never had enough money to take my clothes to the dry cleaner, to get my eyes test or my teeth checked. Never mind a decent bed or servicing the boiler.

Life in the 'never enough world' is really hard. Wherever I was and whatever I did, it was not enough. The cycle was endless. I couldn't see that if I just learned to have some gratitude, my situation would change.