Intensity

Just because something is intense does not mean it is good for us. It can actually make us physically ill, as our adrenal glands start to complain and we can’t concentrate any longer.

Again and again I hear the word "passion" used. The mantra "follow your passion and you will succeed" has become so common that no one is questioning it. It's not true.

No one wants a painter who is rubbish at their job but is passionate about painting. No one wants a gardener who cant keep their plants alive.

Passion is just an intense feeling towards something. Take that intensity away and we feel lost and without direction. I used to see people throwing themselves into their work, whether it was singing or creating a new app, with such intensity and yet they were miserable. They then could not understand why they were in debt.

Going shopping as a form of relaxation from their "passion" was their only relief. When I came out of debt I was very uncomfortable for many months because that intensity had gone. I could just show up for myself and get on with my life. This felt flat and weird. I had to work hard to keep away from those feelings of intensity until I got used to living without it.

Being in debt is intense. Fighting on so many areas of my life and arguing with my creditors, as well as manipulating new creditors to give me money to pay the old ones and always trying to live on less, was adrenaline-fuelled and took up most of my waking thoughts.

Learning to live without that took some time, practice and a lot of talking with friends. I made myself sit quietly until the feeling passed. I would find sleeping difficult and just resting felt against my nature. I took on too many projects and made myself very busy socially.

I do not do anything with passion or intensity any more. For me it is a bad sign if I start to feel that way.

I have turned myself into a happy plodder. I amble along, making sure I enjoy my life. After some time I looked back and realised I have come a long way and generally enjoyed it.

In my old life, I was madly running around on a hamster wheel. Now I can stand back and listen to people talking about their passion with such intensity that the fun part has all but been rung out of it. When this happens, we either need to change direction or calm down until we can enjoy life again. Either way, pushing harder and faster no longer works for me.