Fact v fantasy

I used to create more false hope than America makes hamburgers. I was always dreaming of tomorrow; of the next big thing. I waited for months for the job that someone had promised me only to find it went to someone else.

I waited for times to change in my favour, whatever that means: for the long-lost relative to die and leave me their unknown millions.

I read news of people who had been discovered in the most extremely unlikely situations and savoured stories of individuals who had got their break. The book that was going to get written, or the project that was going to be planned: they all gave me hope. But today, I understand that it was false hope.

The hope I get today, the real hope, is based on experience. And that experience is built from being clear about what I want and where I am going. This starts with writing down everything I spend, so I have a designer made financial suit for myself that I can wear with ease. No more hand-me-downs from others.

I am confident that what I set out to achieve and want is really there and I have a reasonable plan on how to get there, based on my real life and not on wishful thinking, or fantasy.

To be honest, this feels rather dull compared to the old days when I would get a huge adrenaline rush as I fell into interesting situations and people that I may or may not have done business with. Real hope requires a more methodical approach to plans, without the extreme highs and lows of the fantastic future I used to plan for myself as I lay on the sofa with a glass of wine. Anything could ‘inspire’ me. Now, I find this word a bit of a worry as without taking a clear action and direction, most things are a hallucination.

Rather like a Mickey Rooney musical, I would say “Lets make a stage show right here in the garage” and then realise that the garage needed clearing. So, now I actually take steps to see what needs doing and then either do it or decide I was barking up the wrong tree.