Dealing with despair

It took me to get to a point of utter despair before I began to wake up to the real problem. I was furious when I was told to write down what I spent for six weeks. When two friends offered to help, I came to them with an attitude of “I will show you” it's not my fault. I could not live on much less and my debts were overwhelming me. I did not heat my flat or cook. I had no furniture and only one change of clothes. How could it be my fault that I was in debt?

But reluctantly, I wrote down those figures in a little diary I had with me at all times.

I went to the library and read books on debts. Many agreed with me that it was not my fault and a tiny few suggested that I could be a contributor.

When I meet people who say they are in despair and feel like killing themselves is the only way out, I sit them down in a coffee shop and let them talk over a hot drink. Usually it is white noise to me now. This time it's different, this time it really is not their fault and this time there has got to be a government or institutional offer to bail them out.

I sit and wait and then ask them if they are prepared to look at what they do have? They have a place to stay despite technically being homeless. Those who debt are great blaggers who can get a friend or family friend to provide a sofa or bed. This strangely enough only confirms that they are entitled to something for nothing.

A sense of despair can actually be a good thing. It can drive us on to changing our ways.

Some of us get a perverse sense of delight to be in despair. It can release a creativity that scoops us up and moves us on, a bit like the rush a self-harmer gets when opening their skin. I am listening out for the person saying they want help, who has loads of evidence that they need help, and that they have had enough. They are out of excuses and options. Something has to change and they are ready to give themselves a try.

Being grateful, looking up from their woes and feeling glad they have got somewhere to sleep, some food in the fridge and facilities to bathe is a start. However bad the feeling of despair, the reality is that there is always somewhere to go and things to do to improve the situation.