Borrowing from friends

This obviously causes a strain on all relationships, but it was not so clear to me at the time. I would be asked to a birthday event at a restaurant and my standard response was I did not have the money. Friends would pay, which meant they could choose where we went. I didn't like the food or restaurant, so sat in misery feeling I could not be part of the decision making process.

This happened with holidays, events and all other social events. "Let's go on holiday, it’s cheap!" It might be cheap, or even free, but it was dictated by where everyone else wanted to go. Did I want to go to folk festivals? Never, but I went as someone else was paying. Did I want to go to see horse racing? Never, but I went because someone else was paying. I was even given cash to bet on the horses, which I put in my wallet whilst pretending I had placed the bets.

I sat in bowling alleys and bars, clubs and watched football on big screens all because someone else was paying, until I was so angry I stopped accepting the invitations and wondered why I rarely went out.

Then there were the clothes, the shoes and the furniture. I began to feel like the dumping ground for other people’s unwanted rubbish. I am sure they were just trying to help; I always appeared to be in need.

I started to resent some people and pulled out of the relationship. I wanted to hang out with people who were more in debt, so we could exchange ideas on how to live on less, get out of our financial mess and go back into the fantasy world of the great film, book or piece of art we were going to create and sell for millions.

The real friends made constructive suggestions and I would listen, but made sure it failed or some other problem got in the way. I spent time chasing jobs that were really daft like working in a laundrette or handing out flyers. Friends introduced me to jobs that might be more my style, but I messed them up or failed to follow up their leads.

One of the first and most rewarding steps of getting out of debt is to regain some sort of social life. You don't have to do anything extravagant, or even spend any money. Just invite a friend to spend time with you where they won't have to pay a penny.