Action

I had to change everything to stop ever taking out a debt again. This started with writing down everything I spent in a day, but turned into much more.

I worked on my own self-presentation, from brushing my teeth, to bathing well and wearing clean clothes. I made my living space tidy and cleaned the dishes. Cleaning the bath and polishing my shoes became a daily practice that changed the way I operated. In the process I could see how much stuff I had that I never used and how much paper work I had in piles that I never dealt with.

By taking constructive actions that I found dull, I cleared a space in my home and in my head to move forward.

Drafting out even the roughest of CV’s and an application for work was the next stage. If I have not got a job, I need to make getting a job, my job. I need to have a routine of looking for work or creating a business to work in. The more tiny actions I take every day the more chance I have of getting one. I am amazed at artists who never enter a gallery, or traders who don’t know how to ask for a stall in a market. By making sure that six hours of every day is spent in looking for a job or developing a business, those six hours are not spent in dreaming of the ideal as we watch TV or sit in the pub.

If we are in work we can make sure we work in a way any employer would want us to work: not spending time on social media or getting involved with office politics. Addressing the debts that are stressing us out will mentally keep us on the job.

Action is doing something in the moment. Not just thinking about doing something, but actually doing it. Action focuses our attention and builds a body memory that feels good.

Clean up and sort out. Start the writing the CV and make the phone calls to friends asking for help to move into becoming solvent. Join a group and start learning about why we debt.

I am always fascinated that some of the people I work with would rather kill themselves than pick up a pen and write down what they spend on a daily basis. I have spoken to many people in the therapy business and they all say it’s to do with early trauma. I am no academic but my experience indicates that it's actually something else.

Staying in a dream-like state gives me a warm glow: imagining someone will bail me out of a horrible situation seems easier than getting up and washing the dishes. Until the glow has got so thin that it barely gives a tinge of warmth, I won't let go and look for something that actually works. That something is action.